Culture - The Force That Tell Us What We Want. Tuesday's Edition

The force is within us. Series 19 #2

What does a good life look like to you?

Think about it concretely. When you picture yourself five years from now, thriving, what do you see? A corner office with your name on the door? A promotion you earned by outperforming your peers? Or do you see yourself leaving work at 4:00, picking up your kids, and eating dinner without checking your phone?

When you hit a big goal at work, what’s your first instinct? Do you want recognition, your name on the announcement, proof that you outperformed others? Or do you want the team to get credit because no one produced the result alone?

Most people treat these instincts as personality. “I’m just competitive” or “I’m just not a ladder-climber.” But your answer depends less on who you are than on where your cultural software was installed.

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Two ten-year-old boys score the winning goal in their Saturday football match.

The American father in Austin pulls out his phone and records his son’s victory lap, posts the clip to Instagram with the caption “That’s my boy! Future star!” At dinner, he tells the story three times, each time emphasizing his son’s speed, his son’s shot, his son’s moment. He asks his son what prize he wants for playing so well. The boy chooses a new video game.

The Swedish father in Gothenburg claps from the sideline and waits. After the match, he tells his son the whole team played well today and asks if he had fun. At dinner, the conversation moves to what the family will do together this weekend. He does not retell the goal. Singling out his son in front of his daughter would hurt her feelings, and one goal doesn’t make someone a star. The boy doesn’t expect a prize because scoring is what happens when you play.

Same moment. Completely different responses. Each feels like common sense to the parent and child.

Two cultural dimensions explain this split.

The first is what you optimize for: the individual or the group. The American father spotlighted his son because his cultural programming treats people as independent units whose personal accomplishments define them. Researcher Geert Hofstede called this individualism. The United States scores 91 out of 100 on this index, extraordinarily high. Sweden scores 71, still individualist by global standards, but the gap shows in how parents praise children, how teachers structure classrooms, and how families talk about success at the dinner table. In collectivist cultures like South Korea (18) or Indonesia (14), the Instagram post is not just excessive; it would embarrass the child and alienate other parents.

The second is what success looks like. The American father framed the goal as proof of individual talent and rewarded it with a tangible prize because the U.S. is what Hofstede calls an achievement-oriented culture, in which competition, visible results, and material possessions define success. Sweden is a quality-of-life culture; the question isn’t “Did you win?” but “Did you enjoy it?” The Swedish father asked his son about fun, not performance, because from his cultural perspective, a childhood spent chasing trophies misses the point of playing.

An individualist who values achievement raises children to compete, stand out, and evaluate material possessions with success. A collectivist who values quality of life raises children to contribute, belong, and find satisfaction in the experience itself. Neither is wrong, and both feel like obvious common sense because our cultural perspective is our default.

Schwartz’s research on basic values maps similar territory. His framework identifies self-direction and achievement as values driving personal success, while benevolence and universalism orient people toward the welfare of others. Cultures weigh these values differently, and those weights shape everything from how parents praise a ten-year-old’s goal to how nations design their education systems and international diplomacy.

This is where cultural perspective becomes practical. The American sees the Swede as cold: “Your son just won the game, and you barely reacted.” The Swede sees the American as selfish: “You turned a children’s match into a celebration about your son.” Neither parent questions their perspective because they’ve been culturally programmed to see the world this way.

Wednesday’s Edition examines what cultures allow you to feel and how to show your emotions, and why the same emotion builds trust in one cultural perspective and destroys it in another.

Sidebar

Individualism vs. Collectivism (Hofstede): Whether a culture programs people to prioritize personal goals and independence or group harmony and interdependence.

Achievement vs. Quality of Life (Hofstede): Whether a culture defines success through competition, material rewards, and visible accomplishment or through balance, relationships, and wellbeing.

Self-Direction vs. Benevolence (Schwartz): Whether a culture considers independent thought and personal achievement more, or concern for the welfare of others.

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